Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Blast from the Past #638: December 8, 2003: Re: Scripts 58, 59, December 10, 2003: Re: TMNT - 2nd draft eps 57, and December 16, 200: Re: Script 58

Subj: Re: Scripts 58, 59
Date: Monday, December 8, 2003 10:54:12 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my comments on Episode 59, first draft script.

1.) Re: the following:

Voice identification … Bishop … Log 493 Zeta.  The massive force of the Triceraton Republic has successfully invaded and occupied Earth."

Have the Triceratons actually occupied all of Earth? Or have they just occupied NYC?

2.) Re: the following:

I’d administer a sedative… but why spoil the fun?"

This is one of several lines in this script which make Bishop look like a cackling psycho -- which was NOT the impression I got about his character from earlier scripts. Maybe something along the lines of "I’d administer a sedative… but that might contaminate the results of my examination." would be better.

Or... it might be funny if he actually DOES give Mike a local anesthetic in one of his arms (where Bishop intends to begin his cutting), and for the rest of the episode Mike has to deal (humorously) with an arm which is "asleep".

3.) Re: the following:

A break-in, sir.  We’re advised to step up security measures.
EXTREME CLOSE-UP - on Bishop as he sneers in disgust.
Who would be stupid enough to try to break in here?"

Bishop's line and his sneer seem out of character. I would think that he would just tell the Soldier to "deal with it!"

4.) Here are some other "psycho Bishop" lines:

And so back to work, or should I say… "play.""

There’s just something about the first incision…"

5.) In this line of Raph's:

(losing it)
I had enough of this!"

... I think it should be "I've had".

6.) Re: the following:

General Blanque took him.  They’re going to try and force him to download the Teleportal plans!"

I suggest these changes:

General Blanque took him.  They’re going to try to force him to download his Teleportal plans!"

7.) The scene which runs from line 40 to line 53 is weird -- I thought we had gotten rid of the "super Mutant Bishop" concept.

8.) I'm not sure why Mozar has to kneel before Zanramon in the scene beginning with line 54 -- has he done this before when he meets Zanramon? It seems like it's just there to set up the silly bit where Zanramon keeps leaning in on Mozar until Mozar is "prostrate on the floor before him."
And Zanramon's line 60 -- "Don't you dare!" -- sounds REALLY silly.

9.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE – LOW ANGLE - on General Blanque as he steps back, a crazed gleam of triumph in his eyes.
After all this time!  The Teleportal plans are mine!  The Triceratons are doomed!  The Federation has finally and forever triumphed over all!
EXTREME CLOSE-UP - on General Blanque as his eyes widen even further.
Let the annihilation begin!"

Isn't Blanque really jumping the gun here? Don't they have to BUILD the teleportal first?

10.) Re: the following:

As you should have remembered, General, I designed almost the entire the Federation system for you."

There is an extra "the" in that line. In addition, I would add the word "computer" between "Federation" and "system".

11.) Re: the following:

"116. BISHOP
It’s that tin toy the Federation was after.  [dismisses it]  Reboot the system and clear it.  We can to proceed at once with the genetic mutation … now that I have this:"

A minor point, but Bishop's dismissive "tin toy" reference to the Fugitoid seems off -- surely Bishop, being as smart as he is, would know the great value of the 'Toid and his teleportal.

12.) Re: the following:

"EXTREME CLOSE-UP - on Bishop as he holds up the carrying case and opens it, revealing four vials of green fluid.
Samples of the Terrapins DNA!"

When did Bishop get these samples (I don't remember him doing anything of this nature while he had the Turtles strapped to tables) and why are they GREEN FLUID?

13.) I really like the way the Fugitoid's intelligence reverts to that of a worker robot as his mind drains away. Very HAL!

14.) Re: the following:

"CLOSE - Donatello looks as the green pattern spreads.
It’s… the professor … his virus!  It’s destroying all the equipment!  The Professor’s parting shot"

I don't think what the 'Toid was doing had been referred to as a "virus" up to this point -- should it be?

-- Pete


Subj: Re: TMNT - 2nd draft eps 57
Date: Wednesday, December 10, 2003 1:12:33 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


This draft is significantly better but still has a few problems.

Number one is the Fugitoid's reason for returning to Earth. It is SLIGHTLY more believable the way it has been rewritten, but I'm still not totally happy with it. I still like the idea that he has come back just to see the Turtles, doesn't know the Triceratons are there, and just steps in the shit.

However, I'm not going to push that idea anymore. I do have a new idea which might add some interesting twists to the existing story: What if the Fugitoid that beams back to Earth is NOT the real Fugitoid, but a DUPLICATE  -- created by the Utroms and Professor Honeycutt. It has been programmed to simulate Professor Honeycutt's personality, but we could drop a few hints that MAYBE this 'Toid isn't all it should be -- nothing to raise too many suspicions, but just stuff like he calls the Turtles by the wrong names, doesn't remember certain things about his adventures with them, etc.

The point is that this way, this false 'Toid can go through the motions of sacrificing himself (wiping his brain) without there ever REALLY being any danger that the Triceratons could get his teleportal secrets (the duplicate 'Toid is not programmed with the real teleportal info) -- even though to the audience and every other character in the show, the threat is real. Not only that, but we could have a much more visually dramatic and seemingly permanent denouement for the 'Toid where he is melted down/blasted to bits/disintegrated in front of the horrified Turtles' eyes. Then, later, the REAL 'Toid reveals himself... perhaps when the Turtles go back to the lair, to their astonishment they find him making tea for Master Splinter.

Now to my comments:

1.) I'm not crazy about calling the Utroms' homeworld "Utromia" (line 52). Let's just call it "the Utroms' homeworld" or "the Utroms' planet".

2.) Re: the following:

No go, Prof, you used the Transmat.  If your memory’s gone, the Triceratons will just track the transionic particle trail back to Utromia!
Oh, I have been careful to cover my tracks.  The particle trail will lead the Triceratons on a wild goose chase, which will take millennia to follow."

I think it's a good idea to tie up this loose end, but perhaps some extra pseudoscientific verbiage would be in order. Maybe the 'Toid can even say that the transmat on the Utrom's homeworld is not as crude as the one they built on Earth, and doesn't leave a residue of transionic particles, or that he made sure to tune the transmat so it didn't leave a trail, or something. 

3.) The scene which begins with line 94 and has Don grabbing the Fugitoid's head and unlocking it from his body bothers me, for a number of reasons -- mainly that it telegraphs a gag which renders all of those scenes with the individual Turtles' carrying parts of the Fugitoid around (but shown in a way which makes you think -- though I'm not sure WHY exactly you would think it) that each Turtle is with the whole 'Toid.

Also, shouldn't Don get this idea instead of Mike? Seems more likely.

I suggest eliminating Mike's line 94, and the bit which follows it with Don taking the 'Toid's head off. Keep lines 98, 99 and 100. Change Mike's line 101 to a Don line. Then, probably around lines 120 -121, in the junkyard, do some new lines where Don and the 'Toid are talking -- the 'Toid is complaining in his fussy way about the indignity of being pulled apart, and Don is explaining that it was something the 'Toid mentioned to him back on D'Hoonib, in conversation (one we never heard, of course), about how the SAL robot worker bodies were modular in nature, allowing for homeowner customization... and THAT is how he got the inspiration to dismember the 'Toid.

4.) In line 105, I think "hooves" is better usage than "hoofs".

5.) When Don and the 'Toid's head are in the helicopter, it might be fun to have the 'Toid's head rolling around when Don is doing evasive maneuvers.

6.) I still don't like Leo flying the Triceraton flying harness -- it really strains credulity and turns out to be unnecessary, anyway.

7.) Because they are not very funny, I would eliminate lines 158 and 159.

That's it!

-- Pete


Subj: Re: Script 58
Date: Tuesday, December 16, 2003 10:24:29 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are some comments on Episode 58 second draft script.

1.) Do you think it's time for Splinter to stop saying "Miss O'Neil" and "Mister Jones" when talking to April and Casey? It was appropriate at first, but I think he knows them well enough now.

2.) I think Gary also pointed out the "We're"  for "Where" typo in line 21.

3.) I don't think either Casey or April should refer to Splinter as "Master Splinter", as Casey does in line 23.

4.) I'm not sure if "black robe/black headband" Splinter will look cool or goofy. Guess we'll have to wait for the design sketch.

5.) Where exactly do Casey and April get their black "commando" gear? Did they bring it with them? Is it stuff the Turtles have in the lair? Might be a good idea to at least mention where they got it.

6.) I'm glad the silly bit with Splinter taking Casey's hockey mask off is gone, and I think it's totally appropriate that Casey should not be wearing it for these scenes. But... it occurred to me that a cute character bit might happen if we have Casey say something about feeling naked without his hockey mask, and April turns to him and says something about how she likes it, being able to see his face... Casey perks up at that -- "Really? No kiddin'...?" Just a little bit to bring along their attraction to each other.

7.) Bishop says in line 66 that he has been spying on the Turtles for "quite some time now". That comment has significant implications -- do we want to deal with them at some point? If not, we should probably not have him say this.

8.) Suggest changing "Operation Galactic Storm" to "Operation Broken Horn" in Blanque's line 69.

9.) I still think it's silly that the Triceratons would have entered our solar system and encircled Earth -- and still not have seen the Federation ships "on the dark side of the moon". I suggest adding some extra line or two to indicate that they weren't just sitting out in the open for anyone to see -- maybe they were hidden in caverns, or in craters covered up with moon dust. Might make for a cooler visual, anyway.

10.) Re: the following:

APRIL - peers down at Don's scanner.
82. *APRIL
The good news is the shellcel signal is less than a mile away.
*REFRAME TO REVEAL - April points across the East River, the destroyed Brooklyn Bridge in the distance.
The bad news is it's coming from that direction.

Shouldn't April's line 83 come BEFORE she points across the East River?

11.) Re: the following:

An underwater entrance?
Splinter (holding his walking stick), April and Casey swim toward the underwater light source Casey saw earlier.  As they grow closer, we can see it is, in fact, a subaquatic tunnel entrance.

Why is Splinter holding his stick while swimming? Seems more sensible for him to tuck in in his robe's belt.

12.) Re: the following:

*WIDEN TO REVEAL - Splinter is gone!
114. *CASEY
Man… How does he do that?
*ON THE POOL WATER'S SURFACE - Splinter's walking stick suddenly floats to the surface with a <FWOOSH>.
*THE SOLDIERS - quickly turn the pool, aiming their weapons at the floating walking stick, not noticing the WET, HAIRY, RATTY SHAPE, moving through the shadows behind them…
*SPLINTER - leaps out from the shadows at the Soldiers.

This action doesn't make much sense to me. How is it supposed to work? If I am reading it correctly, Splinter has to be underwater to release his stick so it will "float to the surface". But by the time THAT happens -- a few seconds at most --  how could he be out of the water and waiting in the shadows to attack the distracted guards? Unless he has some kind of special "slow surfacing" wooden stick, I think it would make more sense for his to THROW his stick into the water (from a position of concealment in the shadows) to distract the guards. It would also make more noise than a stick just floating to the surface.

13.) Re: the following:

WITH A GUARD - following a trail of WET RATTY FOOTPRINTS along the floor.  Suddenly the trail of footprints just stops.
118. GUARD
CLOSE ON GUARD - looking this way and that for the missing source of the footprints.  A drop of water <DRIPS> on top of his head.  He looks up, just as:
APRIL AND CASEY - leap out from the shadows of the doorways on either side of the hall just BEHIND the Guard.  They grab the Guard, April cover his mouth with her hand.
*ANGLE UP - Splinter leaps down out of an open ceiling vent, landing silently in front of the Guard, who can only react wide-eyed to the sight of the giant rat now standing before him (April's hand still cover's the Guard's mouth).
*SPLINTER - smiles at the Guard.  Then raises his walking stick high over his head.
CLOSE ON GUARD - <O.S. IMPACT> April releases her hand from the Guard's mouth.  His eyes roll back and he <CRUMPLES> to the floor out of frame.

This action seems forced and goofy to me. Splinter has just demonstrated his ability to take out -- all by himself -- "several" guards at once. Why does he need April and Casey to hold this one guard while he bashes him over the head with his stick? (And Splinter smiling at the guard before he bashes him on the head -- weird and silly.) If the intent is to get Casey and April more into the action, why not have TWO guards, one for April and one for Casey -- they can take them out when the guards are startled and distracted by the sudden appearance of Splinter. 

14.) In the reconfiguring of this episode, it appears that some undesirable stuff from episode 59 has found its way into the end of 58 -- I'm referring to stuff I've already commented on re: Bishop's suddenly sadistic psycho personality (lines 134, 138,  143, and 147) AND his superpowers. NO SUPERBISHOP!!!

-- Pete

Sunday, April 28, 2013

Blast from the Past #637: November 21, 2003: Ep. 59 outline and November 25, 2003: Re: Misc.

Subj: Ep. 59 outline
Date: Friday, November 21, 2003 10:20:21 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Re: Ep. 59 outline:

I hope/trust this is all going somewhere! There is some stuff in this one that had me scratching my head.

1.) Re: the following:

In a nearly deserted New York, Triceraton troops patrol the streets, chasing down the few remaining humans.

Some of our viewers might say that the city in our show nearly always seems deserted! Be that as it may, why are the Triceraton troops "chasing down the few remaining humans"? I thought they were only after those contaminated or exposed to the transionic particles.

2.) Re: the following:

Bishop (VO): Voice identification … Bishop … Project Uber Rook, Log 493 Zeta.  The Triceraton invasion of planet Earth is ninety three point five percent successful.

The Turtles and the Fugitoid are loaded into a Hummer at gunpoint by Federation troops.

Bishop: Their hunt for the Fugitoid and his plans for the Teleportal device that will win the war with the Federation is 100 percent un-successful. [smug] At approximately 0300 hours this morning I captured the Fugitoid and the Terrapin creatures that seek to protect it.  

The "successful/unsuccessful" gag is weak and really makes no sense. The Triceraton invasion would only be successful if they got the Fugitoid. They don't have the Fugitoid, so they are not only not 93.5 percent successful, they are ZERO percent successful.

And what is "Project Uber Rook"???!!!

3.) There are many mentions in this outlines of Bishop's thinking he can use the Turtles' genetic material to create super-soldiers and "bring me more power than any man on earth!" This is all news to me. How is it that he thinks this?

4.) Re: the following:

The now quite sizable group of heroes makes short work of Bishop’s flunkies and few guards, but Bishop is another story entirely.  He attacks the Turtles with a strange arsenal of inhuman abilities: enhanced reflexes and musculature, the ability to leap and kick far faster than the eye can follow.

The weirdness escalates as his head turns 180 degrees to track them during the fight.  His dark glasses are knocked off, revealing that his eyes blink with reptilian membranes.  Add to this the throwing blades and poison sprays he uses as the weapons of his assassin trade, and he turns out to be an extremely formidable, extremely weird foe.

Much head-scratching at this point. What's going on here? What is Bishop? I thought he was human. Where is this headed? Also, as Gary so aptly pointed out in his notes, we must always be vigilante when introducing new foes who are so powerful from the get-go that they can kick all the Turtles' asses.

Also, IF Bishop has these qualities, why the heck does he need the Turtles' genetic material to make his "Super Soldiers"? He should just use his own!

5.) How does Bishop get all the way from NYC to the deserts of Nevada so quickly?

6.) There is no indication herein that the Fugitoid's demise is not permanent. I'm assuming that we will be bringing him back shortly through some clever means...? If this is not the intent here, we need to change this -- I don't want to destroy the 'Toid.

7.) Re: the following:

At his castle in Japan, the Shredder thinks.  He summons Hun and Karai to his side.  "Gather all our resources and prepare.  Now is the time to strike."

Strike at what? Why now?

-- Pete


Subj: Re: Misc.
Date: Tuesday, November 25, 2003 9:21:12 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my notes on those premises.

First, a general note -- it would probably be helpful to me to get an idea (if such a thing is available) as to where all of this story arc is headed, as some of this stuff seems a bit flaky.

Premise for Episode 60:

1.) Re: the following: 

"Despondent over everything they’ve sacrificed in quest of the Fugitoid and his Teleportal, both Zanramon of the Triceratons and General Blanque of the Federation have been pushed over the edge.  Separately, they both start countdowns on horrific doomsday devices."

This just seems really silly to me. I just don't buy that because they have lost the Fugitoid, they are suddenly suicidal. I think we need to think up something else.

2.) Re: the following:

"Loaded into the helicopters, our heroes take off fully intending to return home when …

… a large shape looms in above them.  It’s a Triceraton freighter."

I think there's only one helicopter, right? But the main question here is -- where and how did the Shredder get his hands on a Triceraton freighter?

3.) Re: the following:

"But, when a large door opens and Karai and Stockman (in an exo-suit that looks like the original human Stockman) enter, LeatherHead looks up.  He starts to lose it.  Stockman!  LeatherHead’s hatred knows no bounds when it comes to the traitorous Stockman; LeatherHead breaks the tension of the moment by breaking some heads.

And, our heroes join in.  The fight rages as Karai stays noticeably out of the mix.  She’s trying to get them to listen and not fight."

Question: how closely does this "new" Stockman resemble the old one? I looked back at the "What A Croc!" script (episode 38), and Leatherhead knew Stockman as a "head in a jar". How and why then is Leatherhead able to recognize the new Stockman?

Also, what kind of fight are we talking about here -- is it just Stockman vs. Leatherhead? Does Leatherhead attack the other Foot also? Should our heroes get into the fight or just try to stop it? This has the feel of action for the sake of action, especially when it leads to the following silliness described in point 4.

4.) Re: the following:

"When the Shredder enters, he uses his knife arm guard to threaten Splinter.  It looks like Splinter’s time on earth is up …
The Shredder holds Splinter and shouts for the others to stop fighting.  Everyone stops and stares at the Shredder."

This IS the same Splinter who has kicked the Shredder's ass before, right? It seems very lame that the Shredder could just walk up and "threaten" Splinters with his "knife arm guard" and that's enough to render Splinter helpless. And if the Shredder wants to do something to prove that he is on the Turtles' side, threatening their Sensei with bodily harm seems like a REALLY stupid way to do it.

I would throw all of this Splinter/Shredder stuff out, and instead have the Shredder do something constructive to help convince the Turtles that he is sincere -- like helping to stop Leatherhead's murderous rage against Stockman. Or better yet, have Stockman getting the better of Leatherhead (through some techno weapons or something), and the Shredder saves Leatherhead's life.

5.) I'm really not at all sure about this "Let's build a teleportal!" bit. Back in the "Turtles In Space" arc, it SORT OF made sense that the Fugitoid, with the Turtles' help, could try to build a transmat in a few hours, only because he had been working on it, or at least gathering components for it, during his Triceraton captivity... and he had access to the advanced technology of the Triceratons and the Federation. It was still a stretch, though... but this whole thing about the Shredder building a transmat is REALLY stretching it.

Is there some other reason we want the Shredder to get his hands on a transmat? If so, I'd like to know what it is. If not, I think we should figure out a different reason for him and the Turtles to work together.

6.) Re: the following:

"Donatello is jacking the Fugitoid’s empty shell into the helicopter and …

Donatello enters with the Fugitoid … memory/brain of Professor Honeycutt restored.  Well, most of his memory anyway.  Donatello had rigged a backup without really thinking about it in Ep. 57.  He had no idea the mind of Professor Honeycutt would have remained intact."

So the Shredder's HELICOPTER was possessed of a computer memory which was powerful enough and sophisticated enough to store within it the contents of the Fugitoid's mind? That seems like quite a stretch. This scenario also sets up a weird bit -- unless the memory core/whatever in the helicopter is erased by Don (which raises its own ethical questions), then we have a helicopter which thinks it's Professor Honeycutt!

Also, practically speaking, Don doesn't have to haul the 'Toid's body around -- just his head, right?


Premise for Episode 61

1.) In the previous episode, our heroes and the Shredder go to the Shredder's castle in Japan. But in this episode, the Shredder, Splinter, Raphael and Hun will "scavenge some much need parts" in New York (from "Big Al's Transmat Shop"...?). Why go all the way to Japan and then back?

2.) Re: the following:

"Meanwhile, Leonardo, Karai and Michelangelo pilot the Shredder’s stolen Triceraton Freighter up to Republic Central.  Using the codes from the stolen (and destroyed) from Zanramon’s personal space cruiser, our heroes enter the bay for the now-gone space cruiser."

Again, very convenient that Shredder was somehow able to steal a Triceraton ship. But the question here is -- how do they have these codes? Where did they get them?

3.) I think it's a good idea to do this rebellion led by Traximus, but I wonder -- if we are going to end this arc with peace between the Triceratons and the Federation, perhaps we should start setting up some character or characters on the Federation side (close to General Blanque?) who might seize power there and start up a new regime which will seek peace instead of war?


Premise for Episode 62

1.) Re: the following:

"Both General Blanque and ex-Prime Leader Zanramon are to be taken back to the Federation and tried for their crimes."

Why are they both being taken back to the Federation? Wouldn't it make more sense for Zanramon to be tried by the Triceratons?

2.) I'm really not loving all this frantic running around and trying to defuse one bomb and fix another one. It just seems like a lot of pointless action. And as I mentioned earlier, I don't buy this "doomsday weapon"/mutual suicide pact bit.

Something that occurred to me: Both the Triceratons and the Federats originally found their way to Earth, in their search for the Fugitoid, by tracing the faint trail of transionic radiation or particles from the action of the Utroms' transmat which beamed the Fugitoid and the Turtles from Triceraton/Federation space back to Earth, and shortly thereafter the Utroms and the Fugitoid left Earth, beaming back to the Utroms' homeworld. Now, the Fugitoid has had himself beamed BACK to Earth (in episode 57) -- so wouldn't it make sense that his transmatting back to Earth would leave a similar trail of transionic particles -- leading right back to Utrom space? 

       And if so, what if the Triceratons and the Federation BOTH realized that -- and realized that at the other end of that transmat rainbow was the prize they had been seeking all this time -- a working transmat? Wouldn't it make sense that they would THEN decide to start out down that trail, thus putting the Utroms in jeopardy? And would this possibly be a better/more interesting problem for our heroes -- how to stop the Triceratons and the Federats from invading the peaceful Utrom world(s)?


<<PS- We should have a rough cut of your interview to send to you sometime
next week.>>

Great! I look forward to seeing it.

-- Peter

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Blast from the Past #636: November 13, 2003: comments on Episode 55 second draft, November 13, 2003: comments on Episode 57 outline first draft, and November 14, 2003: Episode 58 outline first draft

Subj: comments on Episode 55 second draft
Date: Thursday, November 13, 2003 12:12:05 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Not much to say here. There are a couple of things about the re-worked opening that bug me, as follows:

1.) Re: the following:

And if the little pink Earthlings think they can hide the Fugitoid robot that carries the plans for the Teleportal that will win us the war…
*ON – THREE TRIBASES taking up positions around the earth at *triangular points. The Tribases suddenly <SURGE> with power, emitting …
Think again, Pinkies!

I don't really care for the "pink" bit. I suggest the following changes:

And if these foolish Earthling primates think they can hide the Fugitoid robot that carries the plans for the Teleportal that will win us the war…
*ON – THREE TRIBASES taking up positions around the earth at *triangular points. The Tribases suddenly <SURGE> with power, emitting …
Think again, puny mammals!

2.) Re: the following:

… four terrapin creatures have put the old wooden zagtot in the works …

What the heck is "the old wooden zagtot"?! If the intention here is to say something like "a wrench in the works", I suggest finding a slightly less silly way to say it... maybe just say "a wrench in the works".

-- Pete


Subj: comments on Episode 57 outline first draft
Date: Thursday, November 13, 2003 12:36:51 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


Here are my comments on Episode 57 outline first draft. I think it has a few serious problems, but it's not unfixable.

1.) Re: the following:

Donatello (v.o.):  "And let’s just say these aliens are searching the multi-verse for an advanced, extra-terrestrial android, who happens to be a friend of yours."

"Multi-verse" is, I think, inappropriate. I think to maintain a reasonable sense of scale we should say "galaxy" or at MOST "universe".

2.) Re: the following:

Donatello:  "Here on Earth?!  But why?"
Fugitoid:  "I’ve come to help you now that the Earth is in great danger from the Triceraton invasion!"
Leonardo:  "It wasn’t … but it is now …"

This still makes NO sense to me. Why would the Fugitoid come all the way to Earth BY HIMSELF, when the Triceratons -- who he KNOWS are searching for him to take his knowledge of the teleportal -- are surrounding the planet? Is he that stupid? Why does he reenter the lion's den -- putting not only himself in peril but by extension, through the teleportal (if the Triceratons get their hands on it) billions of innocent beings throughout the galaxies?

3.) Re: the following:

Physically, the Triceratons outmatch the turtles, and the fight soon turns against the turtles.  Suddenly the Fugitoid calls out, "Clear!" and the turtles climb out of the water, clinging to the tunnel walls as…

…the Fugitoid jabs two cables from his chest into the water, sending a huge electrical blast which shocks the Triceratons and sends them spasming down.

Didn't the Turtles kick a lot of Triceraton butt in the arena? Why are they having so much of a problem with these guys, on their home turf no less? I suggest we just let the Turtles defeat these Triceratons, and not just because "Super-ElectroToid" makes me cringe.

4.) Re: the following:

Donatello:  "I could try to mask the signal, but it’s going to take time."
Raphael:  "I think I know a way to buy you that time…"

Raph gives the Fugitoid a sly grin.

Mozar stands at the bow of a hovercraft in front of a unit of armed Triceratons as the craft moves along a tunnel, following the beeping scanner to an eight-way junction.  There, standing at the center are the turtles with the Fugitoid.

Mozar:  "I have found you.  You have caused us enough trouble already in our search for the… robot."
Fugitoid:  "Actually you are mistaken.  I am an android."
Mozar:  "Terrapins, I am so happy that I can be the one to take your heads to the Prime Leader!"

As one, the Triceratons raise their rifles and aim at the turtles.  Just then Raph gives the signal.  Donatello grabs the Fugitoid’s head, which comes cleanly off in his hands.  Leonardo takes his arms and shoulders.  Raphael takes the Fugitoid's torso.  Michelangelo grabs the Fugitoid's legs.

The turtles split up agreeing to be at the meeting point as they each take a different tunnel, leaving the Triceratons standing.  Mozar looks at his scanner as the Triceraton signal splits into four smaller signals moving away from each other.  Mozar turns angrily to his troops…

I can barely express how dumb this is. It's like the Turtles have suddenly decided it's a really neat idea to show and tell the enemy what their plan is! Woo hoo! How stupid is that??!!
Also, the Fugitoid is technically NOT an android. Let's just keep calling him a robot, as this little "Robot" "No, android!" gag is not really funny. At all.

5.) Re: the following:

Donatello is being pursued by Mozar on the hovercraft with a unit of troops firing after him.  Mozar is intent, speeding after Don, gaining on him, when Don dashes into (where Shredder’s helicopter is stashed).  Mozar and the Triceratons chase in after him…

…then suddenly race out again as there is the sound of whirling blades and Don bursts out in the Shredder’s helicopter, the Fugitoid piloting it via a cable patch in his head.

I'm a little confused by this... Shredder's helicopter? How...? When...? Why...? And why/how is the Fugitoid piloting this helicopter via a "cable patch in his head"? Can't Don fly it?

6.) Re: the following:

Leonardo races through the alleyways, hiding in the shadows and darting from doorway to doorway, avoiding the Triceratons who are scouring the area with their scanners.  Then Leo has an idea…

A Triceraton picks up a Fugitoid reading on his scanner.  He calls the other troops over to him as he follows the scanner to the end of an alleyway.  Suddenly the reading races off and the Triceratons charge after it, through abandoned buildings and warehouses.  Eventually the Triceratons corner the reading and advance… "We’ve got you now!"

The soldiers clear away the junk in the corner of the warehouse… closer… closer… until they reveal… a rat sniffing at a Fugitoid toe, as Leonardo is several blocks away, running hard.

This is just TOTALLY goofy. A TOE???!!! 

-- Pete


Subj: Episode 58 outline first draft
Date: Friday, November 14, 2003 3:53:19 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


I just read the first draft of the outline for Episode 58, and have a few comments.

But before I get into them I have to say that I'm starting to wonder if this huge arc is a good idea. I actually started to get a little bit BORED as I read it. Now, that may be just because it's late and I'm tired, but it concerns me.

1.) Re: the following:


The four Turtles and the Fugitoid stand surrounded by the Military, shielding their eyes from the bright spotlights.

Fugitoid: "Oh dear.  I'm afraid it's out of the frying pan and into the fire."
     Donatello: "Don't worry, Professor.  These guys are on our side."

I understand that Donatello is pointing out that these soldiers are NOT Triceratons, but it is a really strange thing for him to say "Don't worry". And when have the Turtles EVER felt that the US military is "on their side"?

2.) Re: the following:

Suddenly, our heroes receive a massive jolt from the soldiers' unique, futuristic, BS&P-approved taser-like weapons.

Military Commander: "On the ground, alien scum!  Hands behind your heads!  Now!"

The Turtles and Fugitoid "assume the position" as the soldiers strip them of their weapons and blindfold them.

Maybe I'm missing something here, but the Turtles seem to fold and become passive AWFULLY quickly in this scene, for no apparent reason. Or is the "massive jolt" sufficient to render them helpless/unconscious? It just seems that after seeing them take on large groups of foes in past episodes, this quick surrender is odd.

3.) Now that Donatello has figured out a way to hide the Fugitoid from the Triceratons' scanners, what do the Triceratons think? Do they think the Fugitoid has once more left the planet, and if so, what do they do? Do they think he has been destroyed? deactivated? what?

4.) Re: the following:

Of greater concern to April is what she finds on the Mystery Man's palmtop: dossiers complete with photos on the four Turtles, Splinter and herself, as well as Shredder, Karai and Baxter Stockman among others!

It seems odd to me that these "Mystery Men" -- who are actually advance agents of the Federation -- would have information on the Shredder, Karai, and Baxter Stockman. Why? What's the point?

5.) Re: the following:

Meanwhile, strapped down in high tech Hannibal Lechter restraints and blindfolded, the four Turtles and the Fugitoid are wheeled down a HIGH TECH CORRIDOR on high tech interrogation tables.  

The Fugitoid is worried, but Leo assures him that if he's in the hands of the Earth Military, then at least he's out of the hands of the Triceratons.

It's nice of Leo to try to make the Professor feel better, but really, isn't that cold comfort? ESPECIALLY given the fact that they are currently all "strapped down in high tech Hannibal Lechter restraints and blindfolded" and "wheeled down a HIGH TECH CORRIDOR on high tech interrogation tables"? My point (similar to my point in comment 1) is that, while technically correct, it's kind of a silly thing for Leo to say.

6.) Re: the following:

Bishop wheels the interrogation table containing the Fugitoid toward the silhouetted figure, who slowly steps into the light, revealing himself to be GENERAL BLANQUE, now sporting a long battle scar, which runs down the side of his face!

Snore... really, does EVERY bad guy have to get a facial scar? I think this is unnecessary and rapidly becoming a silly cliche.

7.) Re: the following:

It becomes clear from their conversation that Bishop has made a pact with General Blanque and the Federation -- although perhaps his reasons for doing so won't be entirely spelled out here.  (Thoughts?)

One thought I had was that because the Federats are, for all intents and purposes HUMAN, there could be a natural inclination to consider Earth for membership in the Federation... something Bishop and his superiors might pursue as a very pragmatic survival mechanism, given that they now know that space has hostile aliens which could (and currently do) threaten Earth's existence. Membership in the Federation, even as a remote outpost, might help to protect Earth.

8.) Re: the following:

April: "Ninjitsu balance technique?"
Splinter: "Actually, it's something I learned from Michelangelo."

As Splinter "rides" the wave, he can't resist shouting:

Splinter: "Kowabunga!" (off their looks) "Sorry.  I should have known I could not pull that one off."

While I appreciate the attempt at humor and I like the fact that Splinter gets to show off some of his cool skills in this scene and others, that last line just HAS to go. Not only does it contain the dreaded "cowabunga", but it is also redundant and silly. 

9.) Re: the following:

As the giant wave is about to crash on the shore, Splinter calls out for April and Casey to jump off on his signal.  They jump, rolling to a rough landing on a warehouse rooftop while the wave <SMASHES> the rowboat to splinters on the pavement below.

This action seems totally ludicrous to me.

10.) Re: the following:

Bishop: "I've been observing you four from afar for quite some time now."

Why? How? When? Also, in this scene I get the impression that Bishop is about to dissect all four Turtles. If so, that seems really silly/wasteful and less dramatic than if he chose ONE of the Turtles, which would be truly horrifying to the other three -- helpless to save their brother as he is being assaulted.

-- Pete

Monday, April 22, 2013

Blast from the Past #635: November 2, 2003: Episodes 55 and 56, and November 6, 2003: Re: Script 54

Subj: Episodes
Date: Sunday, November 2, 2003 10:44:40 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


I don't have many comments on these two scripts:

Episode 55:

1.) Re: the following:

The prisoners are escaping!  Move to intercept and recapture—!
ANGLE - on Raphael leaping in with his sais, doing a tuck-into-a-roll under the Triceraton’s energy beams, and:
CLOSE - on Raph’s sais <slicing> the blaster to pieces, then spinning to knocking the Triceraton out of frame!

We've had this problem before -- Raph's sais are STABBING and BLOCKING weapons, not SLICING weapons.

2.) I think that somewhere between lines 17 and 24, it would be cool if April showed some initiative and grabbed a blaster.

3.) Re: the following:

EXTREME CLOSE-UP - on Zanramon as his eyes narrow in cold fury.
Now, witness the penalty of actions!

Zanramon's line seems weird to me. I suggest changing it to "Now, witness the consequences of inaction!"

4.) Re: the following:

CLOSE - on the Triceraton Pilot as an <ALARM> sounds on his console, illuminating his face from below.
We have a transionic particle alert!
ON – THE GEIGER COUNTER-ESQUE device <SCRATCHES> out a reading with the needle off the edge.
The reading is off the gauge!

The description of the scanner/gauge here seems goofy/primitive. I suggest doing something a little cooler/techier, such as a 3D "landscape" display where concentrations of transionic particles are shown as varying-sized bumps. I'll attach a quick CG 3D example of what I mean. 

5.) Re: the following:

Go ahead.  Make my day.
(breaks; conversational)
I always wanted to say that.

Eh. I think the "I always wanted to say that" bit is more of a Mike thing and doesn't really serve a good purpose here -- I say let's lose it.

6.) When Don gets marched into Zanramon's Throne Room, where is his bo staff? 

7.) Re: the following:

CLOSE - on Zanramon, eyes widening in disbelief, furious.
You defy me?!
CLOSE - on Donatello as he looks back into Zanramon’s face. He sighs, leveling with the Prime Leader.
Not on purpose.  Read my lips: The Fugitoid’s not on earth anymore.  He left a while ago.

I think we should lose the "Read my lips" line.

8.) Re: the following:

108. APRIL
I’m telling you, it’s the tunnel!
Casey takes a step, and we PAN WITH him to reveal the bridge: it’s been blasted to smithereens, on fire.  Without skipping a beat, Casey turns back, deadpan:
109. CASEY
Ooo-kay.  We’re takin’ the tunnel.

Don't like Casey's last line here. Suggest changing it to simpler "Tunnel's good."


Episode 56:

1.) Re: the following:

FAVOR LEONARDO - looking around, impressed.
Man, you got some horns, Traximus.  You put your base right under the Prime Leader's nose.

"Man, you got some horns" is Raph talk, not Leo.

2.) Re: the following:

Prime Leader!  Sorry to report the entire Tri-Fighter fleet has been sabotaged.

I think it should be made clear that it isn't the ENTIRE Tri-Fighter fleet that has been sabotaged, but those fighters on THAT particular asteroid ship.

3.) That's it from me!

-- Pete


Subj: Re: Script 54
Date: Thursday, November 6, 2003 6:58:20 PM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Carole at 4Kids

In a message dated 11/6/03 5:34:35 PM, Carole writes:

<< Hi Peter,
Notes for 54 have been incorporated into this script from everyone,  but I
don't have a record of any additional notes from you.  Are we OK to go final?  I really don't want to loose ground on our schedule.
Looking forward to hearing back from you.


I just read the revision (second draft) of the script for Episode 54 today, appreciate the improvements, and have no real negative comments or problems with it -- but I do have a few quick suggestions which we might want to incorporate. (None of them are critical, but they all might be useful changes.)
By the way, I am REALLY digging the new second season episodes. It's so cool to see the Fugitoid and Triceratons animated!

1.) Re: the following:

The Fugitoid used the Teleportal to escape us last time.  But, we have tracked the Teleportal's transionic particle trail to the farthest corner of the T-17 galaxy.

I would suggest adding "and his allies" (referring to the Turtles) as follows:

The Fugitoid and his allies used the Teleportal to escape us last time.  But, we have tracked the Teleportal's transionic particle trail to the farthest corner of the T-17 galaxy.

Also, in this scene, I think it might be cool to have a brief mention (most likely from Zanroman) about how LONG it has taken them (weeks? months? years?) -- even traveling at light speed or faster-than-light speed -- to get to Earth, as contrasted to the teleportal journey of the Fugitoid, which took mere seconds.

2.) Re: the following:

*THE TWELVE TRICERATON TRI-BASES form a large circle in orbit around the earth and then …
*WIDER - THE TRI-BASES - in synchronicity -- each shoot out a PURPLE BEAM -- in a wide stream....so that...   THE BEAMS join each other …
*A PURPLE SHIELD envelopes the entire earth.

No problem here -- just had a visual inspiration for this. I think it would be cool if the area between the crisscrossing beams looked kind of like the oily multicolored soapy film that you get when you dip a circular bubble maker into  its bottle of bubble liquid. You know what I mean? It's a translucent, nearly transparent film which also has lots of cool colors shifting and swirling around in it. I think I got this idea when reading this script over and saw those crisscrossing beams as like one of those giant, multi-opening bubble makers.

3.) Re: the following:

TRICERATON WARRIOR #1 using some kinda Geiger counter like scanner, calls out to a TRICERATON WARRIOR on 2nd SKY SLED -- as he indicates NEW YORK MAN #1, who's running.
That one.
TRICERATON WARRIOR #1 swoops past and <ZAPS> the NEW YORK MAN #1 with a cattle prod-like device, as TRICERATON WARRIOR #2 swoops in and grabs the guy and flies him away.

Although I like the reuse of the Triceraton flying harness, it occurred to me that a new Triceraton vehicle might be useful here -- the Triceraton who actually does the grabbing of the humans could use it. Maybe it could have a series of grabber arms dangling from its underside, with big clamps on the ends which could be holding struggling captive humans.

4.) Re: the following:

CASEY'S at his window looking out, slack-jawed … amazed.  On the television in the BACKGROUND, A TV NEWSWOMAN reports.
… we will bring your more reports of military action as they unfold.

How about carrying over an idea which we used when introducing Casey in the comics (I can't remember if we did it in the new show) where Casey has a bunch of TVs which he has on at the same time, but all tuned to different channels? It would be a hubbub/babble of various reporters' voices, all describing the invasion in slightly different ways. If we did NOT do it when we introduced Casey, never mind.

5.) Re: the following:

Today, the unthinkable happened.  Earth no longer need question if there is life on other planets.  It is here, and we are in the full grip of an alien invasion.  The real question is will life remain on Earth … or is this the end of the human race?!

This seems to me to be stating the obvious, and for no particular reason. I suggest taking it out.

6.) Re: the following:

*WIDER TO REVEAL – Splinter sits alone.  The turtles have gone.
… in the lair until we know more of what is …
*Splinter looks around realizing the turtles aren’t there.
SPLINTER shakes his head.
Why do I even bother.

The "Why do I even bother" line seems superfluous. I think it would work just as well -- or better -- to end this bit on Splinter's sigh and shake of his head.

7.) Re: the following scene:

*TWO HOVER PLATFORMS and a contingent of EIGHT TRICERATON WARRIORS (two on each sled four on the ground marching) moves down the street past the alley opening (where the turtles are hiding).
*DOWN ANGLE ON – THE TWO HOVER PLATFORMS – One Triceraton on each platform holds a "Geiger" counter-esque DEVICE, which they are aiming at the buildings getting small <SCRATCHING> sounding readings.
*OTS – TRICERATON WARRIOR #3 aims his "Geiger" counter-esque device at a building and the <SCRATCHING> sound gets LOUDER.
There’s one here.  We’ll get it.  Keep searching.  We’ll catch up.
*WIDER – AS THE OTHER HOVER PLATFORM and the four marching Triceraton Warriors moves on down the street as Triceraton Warrior #4 "drives/maneuvers" his hover platform with Triceraton Warrior #3 on it closer to the building.
*Triceraton Warrior #3 raises his laser weapon and <SLAGS> the entire wall, which <MELTS> away REVEALING a terrified old woman (NEW YORK WOMAN #2).
*DOWN ANGLE - TRICERATON WARRIOR #3 drags out NEW YORK WOMAN #2 onto the hover platform.
(old woman voice)
Help...horrible dinosaur creatures!
*The old woman swoons and goes limp in the mighty Triceraton’s mighty arms.
*ZIP PAN OVER TO – THE ALLEYWAY ENTRANCE – The four turtles are looking partially concealed in shadow.  All the turtles look pretty angry, especially Raphael.

There are a couple of places like this in this script, where the Triceratons are scanning for persons contaminated with transionic particles, and the Turtles are nearby -- but the Triceratons for some reason don't register the Turtles on their scanners, even though the Turtles should be MUCH more contaminated than anyone else in NYC. This is a bit of a logic problem... not a HUGE one, but troubling. One suggestion -- have one of the Triceratons grumble about the "narrow effective scanning field" of their scanning devices ("This is gonna take forever!"), whereupon he is reprimanded by another (his superior officer) to the effect of "Just shut up and do your job... the sooner we're done, the sooner we can get off this stinkin' mammal-infested planet!" (The idea here is that their scanners have an effective scanning field which covers about 30 to 45 degrees forward -- in other words, the scanners have to be almost pointed directly at the subjects to register transionic particles... thus, as long as the Turtles stay out of this area, they won't show up on the scanners. I know, it's a little detail, but...

8.) Somewhere in all of the scenes of the Triceratons marching around, threatening people and shooting at things, I thought it could be funny to show a couple of them looting (as invading troops are known to do), and maybe they're stealing some really tacky touristy souvenirs from a gift shop -- like the Statue of Liberty made out of seashells or beer bottle caps, or something.

9.) Re: the following:

WIDER – On a hover platform, A TRICERATON WARRIOR #5 reads the signal.  He points towards April’s shop as he speaks to Triceraton Warrior #6 flying the platform.  Casey’s motorcycle is parked just outside the front door up on the sidewalk.
In there.  It’s a strong reading.

Holding two helmets, CASEY talks to APRIL; Casey tosses one of the helmets to April …
I’m tell ya, April, it’s crazy out there.  I’m getting’ you out of town to where it’s safe.
What about the guys?
They’re tough.  They can take care of themselves.  Once you’re safe, I’ll come back and give ‘em a hand.
April looks skeptical and a little feisty …
Look, Casey, I appreciate the thought, but I can take care of myself.  I don’t need anybody worrying …
LOOKING PAST CASEY AND APRIL (IN FOREGROUND) TOWARDS – A LASER BLAST <SLAGS> the entire front wall REVEALING the Triceratons on their hover platform with laser weapons raised …
Uhm … okay, let’s go!

Casey and April come running out the front door of the shop and leap onto the motorcycle April pulls on her motorcycle helmet and …

Question -- do we really want the whole front wall of April's Second Time Around shop to be "slagged"? This will require it to be fixed sometime in the next bunch of episodes to keep continuity intact. Also, if it IS slagged, how do Casey and April run out the front door?
My suggestion would be to have Casey and April already outside when the Triceratons come by, and avoid any trashing of the shop.

10.) Re: the following:

Deny us, and you will be destroyed!
REVERSE ON – The window behind the old man has four turtles in it looking in watching TV over the shoulder of the old man.
You have ten Tri-gons to comply.
ON – THE TV - With that, the TV goes to <STATIC>.

Might be funny to do a thing where after the TV goes to static, there's a brief pause where people are shown responding to Zanramon's comments in confusion... then the screen(s) come back on and a slightly nerdy-looking Triceraton tech or junior officer says something like "Uh... our glorious Prime Leader Zanramon has ordered me to tell you pathetic, ignorant mammals that one Tri-gon equals forty-five of your puny human minutes. That is all. Thank you..." And the screen goes to static again.

-- Pete

Friday, April 19, 2013

Blast from the Past #634: October 12, 2003: re: outlines for Eps #'s 54, 55, and 56, October 16, 2003: Re: Que pasa?, and October 26, 2003: Re: Sh#38 Revised Client Models

Subj: re: outlines for Eps #'s 54, 55, and 56
Date: Sunday, October 12, 2003 12:31:20 AM
From: Peter Laird
To:   Lloyd Goldfine


I have a few comments about the outlines for Episodes 54, 55, and56, as follows:


Episode 54/"Space Invaders" Part 1

1.) Re: the following:

Zanramon (VO):  "We have taken many casualties, sixty percent of our forces have been wiped out … why we have inflicted much heavier losses upon the Federation scum."

I believe that "why" should be "while".

2.) Naming the President "Potus" is clever, but how about "Patrick Otus" instead?

3.) Re: the following:

CUT TO:  DRAMATIC SHOT-  Triceraton Crafts ominously entering earth’s atmosphere. (the cause of the electronic probs and outages.)

PARIS – night time in what’s known as the City of Lights – but not for long, as city lights flicker and FRZZZZZ…. and FRAZZLE.  Eiffel Tower suddenly hard to see.  We hear TIRES SCREECH as cars dovetail and CRASH as traffic lights, streetlamps and car headlights flicker and fritz.

The implication here is that the Triceraton ships are somehow -- deliberately or inadvertantly -- responsible for power outages. I commented on this in the premise stage when the writer suggested that the Triceratons are able to disable Earth's power grid, and I made the point (which I still think is valid) that the ability to do that SERIOUSLY undercuts any ability Earth's military forces have to fight back (unless, of course, we can make clear that somehow the military is able to run all of its computers, planes, tanks, rockets, ships, etc. with electricity from some other source). 

However, I thought of another way to explain these power interruptions which wouldn't require a lot of extra stuff: perhaps whatever technology the Triceratons are using to keep their asteroid ships from plummeting to Earth -- I'm thinking it's some kind of anti-gravity or repulsor technology -- creates a "cone of effect" underneath each asteroid ship (maybe at maximum about three times the diameter of the ship itself), within which "cone" the gravity disruptions also cause power fluctuations.

4.) So what exactly is Casey trying to tell April when they are out to dinner? 

5.) Zanroman says "You will immediately turn over the one known as Fugitoid..." I think that should be "the Fugitoid".

6.) Re: the following:

General:  "You heard the commander and chief…!"

Isn't that "commander IN chief"?

7.) There are several Earth cities wiped out by the Triceratons. Have we decided whether they are actually destroyed or "stolen" as I suggested in an earlier email?

8.) Re: the following:

"Cool mini-chase, as Casey tries to flee the swooping Triceratons -- zipping around abandoned cars, people, etc.  But Triceratons get the drop on them – Casey gets taken, but April manages to get away."

I'm not clear how this is supposed to work -- isn't April at least as saturated with transionic particles as Casey, and thus couldn't the Triceratons easily track her? I suppose some finessing of this could be done by having April slip into a handy storm drain, thus cutting down on the ability of the Triceratons to sense her particles, but I wonder why we have to have her escape at all. Why not have her captured along with Casey? She could use a ShellCel to call the Turtles to let them know what's happened.

9.) Re: the following:

HIP HOP TEEN (unwilling): "Yo, G -- chill.  Homeboys got wizzee on da bizzee.  Them weapons is cold."

I have no clue what "wizzee on da bizzee" is actually supposed to mean, but, regardless, I strongly suggest getting rid of it because my gut feeling is that this ludicrous style of slanging will be really dated by the time this episode finally airs.

10.) The whole bit with the Turtles coming up from the sewers into the lion's cage (!!!) made me want to hurl. I had another "Fred Wolf moment" while reading it. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Also dumb is the following bit where the Turtles use a "ruse" to trick the Triceraton troopers into running into the lion. Gag! Too silly and totally unecessary.


Episode 55/"Space Invaders" Part 2

1.) Re: the following:

"The immense dark shape of the Triceraton HomeWorld moves into foreground, covering earth in its gigantic shadow."

The Triceraton homeworld is not big enough to cover Earth with its shadow.

2.) Re: the following:

"Leonardo takes off running and the other two follow him.  Casey shouts to them that he and April are going to see that the other people affected by the transionic particles get out of New York safely."

Doesn't it seem a bit much for Casey to say that he and April are going to save all of these people?

"Casey (to April): We’ve got to get out of the Big Apple before it turns into the Big Applesauce!   We’re next on the list after Beijing! "

How does Casey know that about Beijing?

3.) Re: the following:

"US General: (slowly puts down phone) Our attacks have failed on all fronts on a worldwide scale. On land, sea and air the aliens have achieved military supremacy.

A dark-haired General from India stands and addresses the group.

Indian General: Then we must send in the next wave.
Japanese General: I move to initiate Operation Justice Force!"

Something about this seems REALLY silly to me. These three -- Silver Sentry, Ananda, and Metalhead -- are the "next wave"? Not much of a wave if you ask me. It also strikes me that the Justice Force and other superheroes would act on their own initiative, not wait to be given the okay by the military. And I think we need more (and more powerful) superheroes to make this work.


Episode 56/"Space Invaders" Part 3

1.) Re: the following:

"Don tries to convince Zanramon that he had no idea his brothers were on board the ship. "

So what? Why would Zanroman care?

2.) Re: the following:

"As the Uniformed Guard ushers the four Turtles through a HIGH-TECH CORRIDOR, Don turns to his brothers incredulously.

Donatello: "Guys, why didn't you back me up in there?""

I just don't get Don's line here. It seems to make little sense.

Also, while this scene is significantly less clunky than in the premise, it's still weird. Zanroman acts quite casual when the other Turtles show up -- shouldn't he recognize them as the creatures who abducted him and stole his spaceship, and at least be a little pissed?

-- Pete


Subj: Re: Que pasa?
Date: Thursday, October 16, 2003 10:18:45 PM

From:  Peter Laird
To:    Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 10/15/03 8:07:18 PM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hey Pete -

I got a really sweet e-mail from our mutual pal Ryan Brown today.  He just
wanted to say how much he's been digging the show and how thrilled that
LeatherHead was going to be in an episode!  It was really nice of him!

In other news, just wondering if you've had a chance to listen to the voice
casting we sent out for Usagi?  I've also sent an inquiry to Stan and I'm
hoping to hear back from him tomorrow.

Call me if you need anything!

Lloyd >>


Nice that Ryan got in touch. If memory serves, I think he created Leatherhead.

I listened to the Usagi voice casting CD -- I like the second voice actor. However, I would bow to Stan's opinion on this one.

-- Pete


Subj: Re: Sh#38 Revised Client Models
Date: Sunday, October 26, 2003 1:23:31 AM

From:  Peter Laird
To:    Lloyd Goldfine

In a message dated 10/25/03 2:23:47 AM, Lloyd writes:

<< Hiya Pete -

No, they're not much different at all!  I had just requested that we add
some "light-up" elements to both the porpoise headset and the TurtleBot
for a little extra "tech" feel.

Have a great weekend!


PS - Send me your notes on the premises when you get a chance!  I
haven't spoken to you in almost a MONTH!  I'm having withdrawals!

PPS - Speaking of withdrawal, how are you coping with the Segway
recall?!!! >>


I read the premises today -- they seemed pretty short. I couldn't really find anything that I had issues with, though I suspect there will be some stuff to work out once we get into the details.

A couple of comments:

1.) It would be nice to better integrate Shredder, Karai and Traximus into this story arc... but only if it makes sense.

2.) I sure hope we can come up with a good way for the Triceratons and Federats to be defeated ("fall to our heroes") at the end of Episode 59, and as well in the end of this whole space war arc. An idea which just occurred to me -- and it may not be any good, but I thought I should throw it out here anyway -- is that perhaps there is a super-super-secret project... perhaps a joint/group project among the great nations of our world... which has been developing weapons and technology for the last five decades, in an effort to be ready for what this group's organizers consider to be the inevitable alien invasion (they didn't predict it would be Triceratons and Federats, but they know SOME kind of invasion was likely at some point in Earth's future). OR... maybe it's a secret project which WAS designed to deal with one or more asteroids which might at some point be on a collision course with Earth (something that I believe is actually on the planning boards), and at a critical moment this technology is turned against the space fleets of the Triceratons and Federats.

It also just occurred to me that it might be fun to reveal an as-yet-unknown aspect of the Shredder and his power manipulations, and that is that he is involved somehow with the development of these super-super-secret weapons, perhaps using his knowledge of Utrom technology to enhance these weapons. It might be a good way to get him more involved in the plot.

-- Pete

P.S. That Segway recall is (as far as I can tell) really silly and lawyer/liability-driven -- it's basically about stupid people (who don't pay attention as they should) getting a little banged up because they ignored a variety of VERY obvious warning signs. I'm not sending any of mine back.

P.P.S. Re: the dimension-hopping arc we're going to do -- I spoke with Mike Dooney about involving his "Gizmo" characters in that arc, and he's up for it, so if it works, that might be cool. Also, I can't remember if I told you this, but I talked to Jim Lawson about having one or more of the Turtles visit the "Planet Racers" universe and he's definitely up for it, as am I. And I was thinking that if we DID go there, it might be worth it to investigate doing all or most of the animation of the racing bikes with CGI (like certain shots of the BattleShell have been done).

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Turtles in the library, part 2

Here's another view of the visit my brother Bruce and I paid to the new installation of the TMNT bronzes I donated to UMass.

 I used Panorama Maker 5 to stitch together several shots to make this panoramic image of Bruce getting serious with his photography.

You can see more clearly in this shot the beautiful display case UMass commissioned for the sculpture group on its granite pedestal. -- PL

Saturday, April 13, 2013

Turtles in the library

Here's a link to a recent post on my brother Bruce's "blARTblog":


This past week he and I took a trip over to our alma mater, the University of Massachusetts in Amherst,  to check out the recent installation of some small bronze TMNT sculptures (all four Turtles, plus Splinter) I donated to the university. They made a beautiful display case for the sculpture group (and its granite base), which is currently situated on the twenty-first floor of the library, between the children's books and Asian studies sections.

I have a few more photos that I might post later, but I thought you might get a kick out of seeing what Bruce posted. -- PL